He Said
You’ve fallen in love, isn’t that wonderful? You left your hometown to go off to college, and now you want to go and show off your very own adult relationship. Even better, you want to parade in front of your girlfriend’s (or boyfriend’s, I don’t judge) entire extended family as if to say, “Look what I can do!” In your mind it all works out perfectly. Everyone oohs and aahs when you both arrive, and they’ll all compliment your handsomeness and congratulate your girlfriend (or boyfriend, still not judging) on her (or his, continuing not to judge) being able to snag such a catch. Your partner (see what I did there?) will then go help their mother, aunts, and granny in the kitchen where she’ll gossip with them and answer all those questions women will swear that they never ask each other. You’ll sit around and shoot the breeze with her male relatives. Every once in a while her dad will give you a knowing look, as if in approval of your life choices, and you’ll catch her creepy Uncle Phil casting slightly inappropriate glances at you behind everyone’s back. At some point, her grandparents will pull you aside and tell you that you seem like a nice guy and that they’re just glad she (or he, they’re progressive) makes you happy.
If you honestly believe that’s how it’ll go down I’ve got a used car you might be interested in, and some swamp real estate you should have a look at. Television, movies, and advertisements have brainwashed everybody into remembering Thanksgiving through sepia-tinted glasses. We’re supposed to think of a joyous time of family togetherness where you catch up with your relatives over delicious turkey, a glass of responsibly priced wine, and forty different kinds of pies and dessert. In the real world, Thanksgiving is a hellish social construct based on the most horrifying of historical coincidences. Oh really, some Native Americans gave food to a bunch of Puritan settlers with buckles on their shoes so that they wouldn’t starve to death during a ferocious winter? That’s fantastic. The settlers only paid them back by infecting them with European diseases their indigent immune systems had no solution for and then driving them off their land, slowly exterminating their society over the course of a few hundred years. When you look that way, it actually resembles the reality of modern Thanksgiving much closer than any Charlie Brown holiday special does.
Every Thanksgiving is an unmitigated disaster, no exceptions. There’s always enough drama to torpedo any goodwill that may have accumulated in the last calendar year. Her (or his) Aunt Jill is going to get drunk and yell at her mother, just like she does every year. Her (or his) Uncle Mike is going to sulk the whole time, and end up watching football out in the garage with her (or his) dad and Cousin Tommy. Your grandparents are going to end up making passive-aggressive comments about your girlfriend (or boyfriend, this time they ARE judging), and one of you will end up crying alone in the upstairs bathroom.
On the upside, the food will be good and you won’t have to deal with your own family.
That alone makes it worth it. Go for it man, and never look back.
If you honestly believe that’s how it’ll go down I’ve got a used car you might be interested in, and some swamp real estate you should have a look at. Television, movies, and advertisements have brainwashed everybody into remembering Thanksgiving through sepia-tinted glasses. We’re supposed to think of a joyous time of family togetherness where you catch up with your relatives over delicious turkey, a glass of responsibly priced wine, and forty different kinds of pies and dessert. In the real world, Thanksgiving is a hellish social construct based on the most horrifying of historical coincidences. Oh really, some Native Americans gave food to a bunch of Puritan settlers with buckles on their shoes so that they wouldn’t starve to death during a ferocious winter? That’s fantastic. The settlers only paid them back by infecting them with European diseases their indigent immune systems had no solution for and then driving them off their land, slowly exterminating their society over the course of a few hundred years. When you look that way, it actually resembles the reality of modern Thanksgiving much closer than any Charlie Brown holiday special does.
Every Thanksgiving is an unmitigated disaster, no exceptions. There’s always enough drama to torpedo any goodwill that may have accumulated in the last calendar year. Her (or his) Aunt Jill is going to get drunk and yell at her mother, just like she does every year. Her (or his) Uncle Mike is going to sulk the whole time, and end up watching football out in the garage with her (or his) dad and Cousin Tommy. Your grandparents are going to end up making passive-aggressive comments about your girlfriend (or boyfriend, this time they ARE judging), and one of you will end up crying alone in the upstairs bathroom.
On the upside, the food will be good and you won’t have to deal with your own family.
That alone makes it worth it. Go for it man, and never look back.
She Said
So your girlfriend wants you to spend Thanksgiving with her and her family. There are a couple of different ways that it can go, and you should really make the effort to make sure that it goes well.
If you’ve met her parents before, Thanksgiving isn’t that big of a change. You may be meeting more of her family, but the parents are the ones that you should really be worried about. If they don’t like you, it doesn’t really matter what type of impression you make on her grandparents or other extended family.
If you haven’t met any of your girlfriend’s family in the past, Thanksgiving can be a pretty intimidating time to do so. Family drama tends to run rampant during holidays, and Thanksgiving is just the beginning. Just wait until you get to Christmas.
Now I don’t mean to scare you, but you do need to be prepared. Think back to your Thanksgivings and how much drama may have been involved in those dinners. Really, think about it: football, family drama, and alcohol all in one place. Yup, recipe for disaster. That’s the truth for all families though.
Now if you haven’t met her family at any point, Thanksgiving is your chance to make a great impression. First impressions last, so it’s really important that you make a good one. The best way to do that is to be gracious while you’re there. Be respectful when you first get there, and try not to step on any of their toes. Don’t bring up religion or politics right away, especially if you aren’t sure what their stance is. If you say something really offensive, it could make your stay with them incredibly awkward.
If you listen to any of the advice that I give, listen to this piece. Don’t insult the food. It’s a very bad idea. Even if, they say something along the lines of the food not being all that great, don’t agree. You can be diplomatic about it, but you should be incredibly careful. Insulting food is not a good way to go.
After eating, you should try and find someone with whom you have something in common and get to know them a little better. Try and bond over something. It can be as simple as rooting for or against the same football team. If someone is playing video games and that’s your thing, get involved with that. Showing that you can bond with the family is hopefully going to make the family like you, and if odds are that she’s going to be impressed if you get along with her family. So making that effort is really important.
There are a couple of other things that you should keep in mind. Dress nicely. Check to see how formal the dinner is going to be. Even if it isn’t going to be formal, take any ripped jeans or t-shirts out of your list of options. Nice jeans and a nicer shirt are a good choice if it’s going to be casual. One other thing? PDA is not a good idea, especially if it’s the first time you’re meeting her parents. Handholding is one thing, but anything more than that is a bad idea. Have fun, and good luck!
If you’ve met her parents before, Thanksgiving isn’t that big of a change. You may be meeting more of her family, but the parents are the ones that you should really be worried about. If they don’t like you, it doesn’t really matter what type of impression you make on her grandparents or other extended family.
If you haven’t met any of your girlfriend’s family in the past, Thanksgiving can be a pretty intimidating time to do so. Family drama tends to run rampant during holidays, and Thanksgiving is just the beginning. Just wait until you get to Christmas.
Now I don’t mean to scare you, but you do need to be prepared. Think back to your Thanksgivings and how much drama may have been involved in those dinners. Really, think about it: football, family drama, and alcohol all in one place. Yup, recipe for disaster. That’s the truth for all families though.
Now if you haven’t met her family at any point, Thanksgiving is your chance to make a great impression. First impressions last, so it’s really important that you make a good one. The best way to do that is to be gracious while you’re there. Be respectful when you first get there, and try not to step on any of their toes. Don’t bring up religion or politics right away, especially if you aren’t sure what their stance is. If you say something really offensive, it could make your stay with them incredibly awkward.
If you listen to any of the advice that I give, listen to this piece. Don’t insult the food. It’s a very bad idea. Even if, they say something along the lines of the food not being all that great, don’t agree. You can be diplomatic about it, but you should be incredibly careful. Insulting food is not a good way to go.
After eating, you should try and find someone with whom you have something in common and get to know them a little better. Try and bond over something. It can be as simple as rooting for or against the same football team. If someone is playing video games and that’s your thing, get involved with that. Showing that you can bond with the family is hopefully going to make the family like you, and if odds are that she’s going to be impressed if you get along with her family. So making that effort is really important.
There are a couple of other things that you should keep in mind. Dress nicely. Check to see how formal the dinner is going to be. Even if it isn’t going to be formal, take any ripped jeans or t-shirts out of your list of options. Nice jeans and a nicer shirt are a good choice if it’s going to be casual. One other thing? PDA is not a good idea, especially if it’s the first time you’re meeting her parents. Handholding is one thing, but anything more than that is a bad idea. Have fun, and good luck!
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